I clearly have time management issues.  I had to return Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 to the library so I could start cleaning or cooking or paying attention to the kids again.  I watched about 8 episodes of The Office yesterday.  I have a 2 year old addicted to his pacifier.  I yell.  A lot.  I promise to blog and then blow it off to work on cross-stitching a tooth fairy pillow for Queenie.  I enjoy drinking crap beer.  A lot.

But on the other hand… I did spend 2 straight hours this week cleaning and rearranging Queenie’s room.  We cleaned out the garage, and Bob Bon finally got to try out the jumperoo. 

I also sent an entire truckbed full of stuff to my brother’s garage sale.  I kept up with the laundry and got almost all of it put away.  I created and sent out invites for Queenie’s 6th birthday party and finished her gift bags.  The cupboard and fridge are stocked. The kids have fresh sheets.  And The Producer is out of town for the next 3 days.

 And last weekend, we took Queenie to run in the Happy Joe’s Micro-Marathon, which is part of the Quad Cities Marathon.  It’s a non-competitive race, so they don’t break the kids into age groups or award prizes for finishing first. 

 Queenie ran the 1/4 mile,

and immediately after ran the 1/2 mile. 

She had planned to run the 1 mile after that, but was feeling a bit tired and ready for some free pizza.  For her trouble she got a t-shirt, goodie bag, and two - count ‘em, two! - blue ribbons. 

She was running against some much older kids, so she didn’t come in first, but she still made a very respectable time.  And best of all, she had a blast.  And Mandy’s kids made their running debut, so bringing people into our craziness is always a good thing.

 The one thing I really really wish I’d gotten a picture of (but failed to think of it at the time, natch), was the MC for the race.  Last year Queenie ran in the Jr. Bix 7, finished first in her heat, and even got her picture in the paper, which you can see here.  It’s #5, she’s the girl with the braids.  But note the crazy lady in the crown and cape.  She spent her time at the Bix babbling about how she was the queen because it was her 30th birthday.  Odd, but she seemed official somehow, like maybe she was the mayor’s insane love child who must-be-humored, and it was about 110 degrees out, so I ignored her in favor of attempting to keep a sweltering Boy-o in the only shade offered - that of other people’s roasting flesh.

 Fast forward to last weekend.  Somehow this loon got the job of hosting the micro-marathon.  It was a nice cool day, so I was able to actually listen.  Not that I had a choice - she had a megaphone and was about 30 feet away.  This time, she chose to forgo the royal garb.  Instead, she draped herself with a dalmatian-print, faux fur cape, sunglasses, and large scale Cruella de Vil wig.  Over running clothes.  I can only assume this was a “clever” response to the Happy Joe’s mascot, which is some poor sap in a heavy dalmatian suit.

But the really… odd… thing wasn’t her hosting style, and it wasn’t the weird costume.  It wasn’t even the vaguely inappropriate and disturbing come-ons she bleated to the mascotted-man (or, to be fair, mascotted-woman).  It was the clearly excessive amount of quaaludes she washed down with her breakfast of Jack Daniels and pot brownies.  To say she was speaking slowly would be like saying  Stephen Hawking has a speech impediment.  Some talk about “runner’s high,” but somehow I always pictured that as more of an upper than a downer.  She slurred and sloshed her way across the landing, and at one point I think she tried to sing, but I’m not really sure. 

Frankly, I was laughing my ass off.  It was the funniest live entertainment I’ve seen in a long time. 

I think I need to get out more.

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